Laos: All’s well that ends well

I’m choosing to think of the theft of our computers as either cosmic retribution for all of the shit that America did to Laos in the 60s and 70s, or perhaps just our fault for going to a place like Vang Vieng. In any case, our initial despair and annoyance at the loss of our two MacBook Airs has paled quite significantly – after all, we got to see the Lao justice system at work. And, we no longer have to worry about putting our computers in a safe place so that they don’t get stolen.

Vang Vieng is a river town not far from the capitol of Laos, Vientiane. 5 years ago, the Prime Minister of Laos came to visit and was appalled at the rampant heathenism that had so swiftly descended upon the lovely place – bar after bar after bar along the beautiful river, selling alcohol and light to heavy drugs to tourists floating past on inner tubes. The PM was appalled, especially at the abnormally high death rate – about 20 tourists per year dying in the river. So he shut it all down. 

5 years later, a couple of the bars have reopened (alcohol only) but the economy of the town is still struggling. We thought we’d support the new, more sober Vang Vieng with our old people tourist dollars, plus we had multiple people recommend it to us. It was ok, except all the theft. 

While we were at the police station reporting our own theft, a young Aussie woman was waiting in the lobby, in tears. Her bag had been slashed and all documents, electronics, and money had been taken. In another Lao town, we got to talking to a woman in her 50s who had been assaulted (lightly, but still) on the street, her iPhone stolen. A woman at our hostel in Vang Vieng suggested that we put up signs in the more sketchy bars in town, asking for the computers back for a reward – she said it worked for a few people she knew who had things stolen in Vang Vieng. This is all in a country in which we have never heard of another theft, anywhere. Morals of the story: 1. If you close the drug bars down, people gotta find other lines of work. 2. Don’t go to Vang Vieng. 

We were however, pleasantly surprised by the Lao police. Perhaps they get a lot of practice in VV – there was a separate police station just for tourists. Also, you have to take off your shoes in the station, which is weirdly relaxing. Even the officers in uniforms don’t wear shoes inside. 

Anyhow, they did seem genuinely concerned and even came to search our car and room, just to ensure that the computers were gone so they could sign off on the theft report. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much else they could do. No one responded to our ads in the bars, either. Thank heavens, we have backups of our photos. In the end, after playing Sherlock for a while, Luke and I decided the culprits were probably the tourists in the bungalow next door to us, who saw me on the computer on our porch, saw us go to dinner, and picked the lock to the room while we were away. Such is life. As mentioned, we’re actually not too fussed about the situation anymore. We will be even less fussed when we find out how much our travel insurance will pay us for the computers. 

The theme of this post, I think, is “Dismal pie with positive cream on top”. Next up is bureaucracy, which we’ve overall enjoyed. You see, a few weeks ago, it came to the time to get serious about finding a new human for our little car. This requires lots of research. We spent a few days in Vientiane calling into a few ancient expats with car knowledge, visiting customs at the Thai border, dropping into consulates, and just generally doing the least touristy things that can be done. It was fascinating. 

One expat we visited, a Canadian car mechanic married to a Lao woman, has lived in Vientiane for 30 years. He runs a car garage and often stores vehicles for over landers. He wins the dubious title of “least self-aware rascist,” as he was adamant that – wait for it – Asian immigrants were ruining the 100% perfect white culture of his native Canada. Said by a 30-year immigrant, in Asia. Married to a Lao person. With a Lao person in the room. Cringe. 

We did, however, meet several other western expats who were simply delightful. I’m glad there are more of them then there are of previous-paragraph guy, but then again, he had some pretty entertaining cringe-worthy “facts” to share with us.

Continuing on the bureaucracy storyline, our visit to the Lao/Thai border to ask about import/export procedures can be summarized as “befuddling”. Just finding a customs officer amidst the hustle and bustle of a busy, chaotic border involved conversations with about a dozen people, uniformed and not. Sometimes the officers would just smile at us while we asked questions, not saying a word, until we left them alone. Eventually we were ushered through a side gate into a non-public area, and a customs officer came to speak to us across the fence from, bizarrely, the public area. We had a supremely confusing conversation, and then were left to our own devices to make it back to the public area and depart. We learned almost nothing, but we were pretty amused. 

Our next slice of dismal pie has a thinner spread of positive cream on top (I’m on a metaphorical roll, you can’t stop me!). In the last post, I got on my soapbox about American bombing of Laos in the 60s and 70s. Since that post, we’ve visited Vieng Xai and the Plain of Jars, which some of our readers may remember hearing about in the news a few decades ago. 

Vieng Xai is an area with lots of karst mountains – big limestone rocks that poke out of the flat ground improbably (You couldn’t tell I have a geologist for a father-in-law, could you?). Karst formations like this have a heap of really huge caves in them. This is why, in the 60s, the Pathet Lao (the communist resistance movement, fighting the Americans and American-supported Lao factions) chose them for their base of operations. Each major leader had a cave for a home and office, and the entire local population moved their lives into caves, as well. We visited many of the caves, with a Lao guide. Life out on the plains was impossible due to the multiple bombardments per day. People lived in caves for about 8 years, only venturing out in the cover of darkness. People who lived there at the time say that they had to kill any brightly coloured chickens, like white ones, as the American bombers were trained to bomb anything they saw moving (American soldiers have confirmed this). 

The Plain of Jars was similarly bombed to shreds. The jars are actually ginormous ancient stone burial containers, which sit in groups on the plain. Nowadays, they are also surrounded by bomb craters.

The cream on top of all that icky stuff is the unbelievable grace of the Lao people. Remarkably, they are either forgiving to the point of sainthood, or so dedicated to decorum that they fake forgiveness convincingly. We’ve asked a couple of Lao people – when it felt appropriate – if they harbour a secret hatred for Americans (I go by Australian, here). The answer is pretty much, “nope, it’s over now.” This is something else,

especially given that with the daily UXO casualties, it is certainly not over. It was  nice of our esteemed President Obama to visit recently, bringing UXO clearance money with him, but I’m not sure it would make me less mad. I mean, many of the civilians who were being bombed had never even heard of America, let alone understood t

he political complexities and rationale behind our actions. I would be very interested to hear from people with experience of Laos on this subject. 

Much of our time here in Laos, however, has been relaxingly insight-free. We made our way slowly down the country, first heading east to Vieng Xai and the Plain of Jars, stopping in Vientiane, and then entering the skinny, southern part of the country. 

We took a few days to do “the loop”, a famous set of roads in central Laos that leads one (often on a rented motorcycle) through gorgeous karst scenery and to 10 gajillion caves. We only saw two, cause we have a limit on caves. The first was a Buddha cave that was so thickly coated in bat guano, I began to question whether rabies could be inhaled. I also couldn’t stop thinking about the dusty statues coming to life, all Raiders of the Lost Ark style. 

However, our next cave, Kong Lor, was simply unbelievable. (Not because the statues actually did come to life this time). It’s an underground cave, with a river running through it. One walks through the jungle briefly, accompanied by a Lao guide, then enters a large cavern where wooden 4-seat longboats are lined up on, silently bobbing on the black water. It doesn’t take long to really need your head torch – it is completely and utterly pitch black. Our boat passed stalagmites and stalactites, small beaches, little waterfalls (some portages), huge caverns and small passageways, all blacker than night, if not for the little beams of our torches. There was a section of particularly nice formations that has been lit up with rainbow coloured lights, of which I’m sure Gollum would not approve. However, we thought it was quite nice. All in all, we were underground for several hours. 

As much as I recommend NOT going to Vang Vieng, I DO recommend going to Kong Lor. Especially if you’d be willing to secretly abscond from your boat to search for Gollum, because I feel quite sure that if he has survived that pit o’lava, he would be quietly retired in Kong Lor. (Apologies to any poor sods who are not Lord of the Rings fans). 

Next, after picking up a delightful Canadian retired biologist (Jocelyn) and taking her with us, we came to Pakse. It’s just a small, relaxed town on the shores of the Mekong, where we took a traveller “weekend” to sit around, get some work done, and visit consulates for visas. We then took a delightful two day jaunt around the Bolaven Plateau,

a chilly coffee-growing area with more waterfalls than you can imagine. You’ve certainly heard about the Bolaven Plateau in our last post. It’s an important place to us, now.

Finally, we’ve come to Si Phan Don (aka the 4,000 islands), a group of, well, about 4,000 islands hanging out in the middle of Mekong in far southern Laos. Specifically, we’re on Don Khon. We are spending our time sitting on our bungalow’s porch, watching the mighty Mekong flow past us. We’ll tell you all about it in our next blog. 

IMPORTANT CONTINUITY NOTE: We’re not actually in Si Phan Don. Actually, we’re in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I wrote this blog over a week ago, but haven‘t been able to post it – so my next post will cover the lost time. (Yes, I usually do post my blogs in real time, up to date to the minute of publishing. It’s because I like to make my own life more difficult.)

In the meanwhile, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanakkah! We love you all!

Vieng Xai and the Plain of Jars, plus Phonsavon

En route to Vieng Xai, one of the heaviest bombed areas of Laos: Huge bomb casings being used as garden decorations

The land

We cooked one of our last stews here 😦

The town of Vieng Xai, which was built in the last few decades – what little existed before the bombing was all destroyed by us Americans.

This is the cave dwellings of the leader of the (victorious) Pathet Lao resistance movement. This is where the president and his family slept.

Kaysone Phomvihane’s personal, exclusive wash area. The only one in any of the caves, that we saw.

The grand Politburo meeting room: this is where the resistance was based. The leaders (pictured at their seats on the table) drove through bombs to meet.

You’re in a war, living in a cave under constant bombardment. What do you bring with you? Maybe your iPod with Enya loaded? These guys bring a bust of Lenin.

A bomb crater

A view of the plains, across which people had to run to get from one cave to another, when needed (for example, from home to school, or to the hospital cave)

A room ajacent to the hospital cave: the crematorium cave

These were soldier’s barracks

Soldiers just slept where they could.

The barracks

Secretaries’ bedroom

And when the Americans stopped bombing, each of the key Politburo members built houses right outside of the caves that they had lived in for years, and continued their work. This is the nicest house, of Prince Souphanouvong (a royal who switched sides to Pathet Lao leadership)

The plains of Vieng Xai

We also visited another cave in the area, outside of those that have become part of the Pathet Lao museum.

We’re not sure what this one was used for

But we do know there’s a stalactite that looks like a penis in the upper left.

More cave

A school outside the cave

We hit some eery fog on the way down to the Plain of Jars

A view from the hills on which the Jars rest

A photograph in the Plain of Jars museum

The ancient jars – some were used for decomposition of the bodies, and others were buried under ground with the leftover bones

Some jars are so small, you wonder how short these ancient folks must have been

A Luke sized jar

Another bomb crater

On the road to Phonsavon and Vang Vieng

A silly fuzzy moth

A very typical scene while driving in Laos. Animals EVERYWHERE. It’s like a farm up there.

This cow is letting us know to make way for chicks.

Once we saw a chicken get run over. It just went up in a puff of feathers, like a cartoon

Phonsavon – a view from our room

Dusty Phonsavon

Vang Vieng

Vang Vieng

Kids going home from school

I didn’t get many pictures of the town, as it’s not very photogenic. For reals. Outside of the town, though, that’s a different story…

Ordering crepes, catering to western fatties like me.

On the way to a kayak ride

Gorgeous scenery

But some obnoxious people. The car across the river? Absolutely blaring Chinese pop music.

And all these kayaks floated next to us down the river, occupied by shockingly drunk Brits.

But, we took a motorcycle trip out of the town

Leaving Vang Vieng

Beauty begins

Hi fella

Still on the bike!

Still riding…

Eating, back in Vang Vieng

Vientiane

Eating crab by the Mekong, at a strip of BBQ restaurants with twinkling lights and acoustic Chinese hits

Trying on a silly English t-shirt. Read it.

Our car

The kind of stuff you notice when you walk around a city outside of the tourist areas

Ok, so this is hilarious. It’s called the Victory Gate and it’s supposed to be like the Cambodian Arc de Triumph. But, the OFFICIAL PLACARD inside literally reads, among other things, “From a distance, it appears even less impressive, a monster of concrete.” I mean, you have to give them points for honesty.

But the inside is decently cool! Look at these lil guys

And there’s a nice ceiling too.

Here’s another thing.

The riverside is a popular place to sit at sunset time

Women go around with mobile pedicure kits and do people’s nails! I would have gotten one if I hadn’t lost my big toenail to an unfortunate fungus incident.

Watching the sunset

Also, huge aerobics classes with blaring boomboxes, led by multiple women who are prettier and cooler than everyone (including me)

Luke gets street food

Market time! This part had bits of dead animals which are available for purchase and consumption.

And here are vegetables, blessed vegetables

And here are some sad fish

And pineapples, which are probably feeling very little

And…. gold things?

Outside of Vientiane, but I couldn’t leave this guy out

Thakek and “The Loop”: Thalang and Kong Lor

Somewhere.

A little walk to the little cave. Look at that garden bed, right in the middle of a stream! Talk about irrigation!

Up to the cave

View of Laos

But you can see how it would be terrifying if they came alive, right?

BABY CHICKENS

The little village near the cave

On The Loop

A lake created by a recent dam near Thalang

Sipping a beer in a Chinese restaurant

The same recent dam lake

The bungalows across from ours. That water is a fish farm, actually. Lots of jumping and flopping.

Our bungalow

We stopped for the most fabulous meal. This lady had this little barbecue, and it seemed her main customers were the other vendors in the tiny market behind us, though a couple schoolkids came up too, and a mom on a scooter with all her kids. This lady seemed to be quite the community figure, everyone knew her. We sat with her, eating mysterious balls of food-like substances, for about an hour.

En route to Kong Lor from Thalang

Approaching the town of Kong Lor

Getting ready to take the boat in the famous Kong Lor cave

Just inside the entrance of the cave

Another boat approaches in the dark

Outside the cave once more

This woman was weaving, so we bought some

Me and Jocelyn in the boat (the first day of travelling with Jocelyn!)

There are lots of incredibly pretty pink and green and blue and purple and peach houses. Here are two.

En route back towards the Mekong, and thus the main north-south highway.

Savannakhet and Pakse

Luke and Jocelyn take in a *lovely* view of the Mekong from Savannakhet, a town that we stopped in for the night en route to other stuff.

A dignified citizen of Savannakhet

We don’t always go into wats, because they are just so, so abundant. But we walked into this one.

The workers building a new building in the wat complex were very amused with how interested we were in their concrete sculptures. But they were so cool!

More wat

Guy in the wat.

We went to the Savannakhet dinosaur museum! Luke was very happy to have a biologist friend with him (that’s Jocelyn there!) who was just as excited as he was to see bones and what not.

Dinosaur topiary.

We stayed in Pakse for 4 days and only have 2 pictures. This is one.

And this is the other. We went to this restaurant about 6 times, once even 3 times in one day. This server’s shirt did not actually reflect his excellent standards of service.

The Bolaven Plateau, and saying goodbye to our car

Tad Fan waterfall – two of many.

Luke enjoying our fish farm lunch location.

Coffee beans, nice and red and ready to harvest!

Tad Champee waterfall

Caterpillar, why aren’t you facing the view?

Descending to see the waterfall

Yeah, no shit

Yet another fish farm pond restaurant (a view across the pond to Luke and our car)

Luke gets ready for a big strenuous hike down to another waterfall

And here it is – Tayicseua waterfall – totally worth it!

Enjoying the water

Jocelyn enjoying the shade

Piggy!!!

The sorting begins

With Jackie, Wok, and Tyson – the Jhai owners – in front of the coffee shop/house where we stayed

A school near Paksong that we visited – Jhai has installed a waterwell here, and done the hygiene program with the students

Girls playing volleyball after school

The bore! Woohoo!

Luke burning paperwork we no longer need in Jhai’s compost pile. No one needs old visa applications sitting around trash heaps in Southeast Asia.

Back in Pakse – one final check of the car before Tyson drives it off into the night.

Goodbye to our car!

Goodbye to our car AND to Tyson!

But Tyson sent us photos of her in use! Here she is, all packed up and ready to go out for a hygiene program at a school.

Thank goodness we have friends like Arne and Jenny who really understand us,.